Is it OK to Cry?

By Tina Runyan, PhD, ABPP
Tend Health Co-Founder

Every healthcare professional can recollect the first time they were brought to tears about a patient. How they and others around them reacted likely defined their relationship with crying at work. I’ve listened to countless physicians tell their story of crying early in their training and being told they needed to “toughen up”, that “maybe medicine isn’t for them” and that they “cannot cry for every patient.” I’ve also heard a few describe being comforted, crying with others, and feeling understood. I’ve also heard a lot of patients share that when a physician showed emotion, even cried, during an interaction they trusted them more. Huh.

With that preamble, I share this poem I wrote about providing therapy to residents and fellows:

CRY.

Why do we apologize for crying?

Why do we apologize for strong emotions, as if we are feeling, caring too much? Too much for whom?

Crying only reveals a tender part of us – what we care about, what we value, and the pains or joys we have no defense from.

We feel embarrassed, ashamed, and vulnerable
Those in witness feel uncertain and unsettled, as if the tears might be contagious.

No one apologizes for their bleeding cut.
Tears are how the heart bleeds.

You cannot do this work, be in these spaces, and hear the stories of the downtrodden, the sick, the desperate, without your heart being touched…
Without your heart bursting with joy and collapsing from pain.

What if you could honor each tear. Give them a name and room to evaporate, rather than wipe them away. Let them reflect the meaning and significance of your work.

Cry. Cry! and Cry some more.
Do not believe anyone who tells you it is not okay to cry.

Cry for the young parent with terminal cancer.
Cry for the grieving widow whose beloved just passed on.
Cry for your own miscarriage.
Cry for the parents whose newborn died.
Cry for the tragedies of poverty and violence you tend to day after day.

And cry for the younger, altruistic, and naive version of yourself that dared to dream of a career you didn’t know would ask so much from you.

You are one of the lucky ones; you are still able to cry.

 

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About Tend Health

At Tend Health, our mission is to ensure all healthcare professionals have access to exceptional mental health care. We partner with organizations and training programs to provide low-friction, human-centered, and highly specialized support. Our doctoral-level clinicians also provide private one-on-one counseling and coaching for health professionals. Get in touch today to learn more.